HOW TO STOP THE COMPARISON TRAP & A QUICK NOTE ON SOCIAL MEDIA DURING COMPARISON CYCLES
"How did they get there so fast?"
"I'm so behind in life"
"What is wrong with me?"
"Why am I not there yet?"
and the list goes on and on and on.
When I think of comparison, I think of a labyrinth.
Image via Unsplash by Victor
Comparison is incredibly toxic because it keeps you in a never-ending shameful loop (hence the labyrinth) -- you don't know how to get out and every time you think there's an exit, poof you fall back into it.
It's draining, exhausting and doesn't lead to the self-love that we're actually craving.
Comparison is deeply tied in to self-worth. We are seeking approval on our decisions and our life based on others life experiences. We are trying to gauge our greatness by someone else's standards.
It's like if you were to taste and compare 12 different kinds of coffee from everyone at your local coffee shop to gauge if your coffee choice is good for you and based on it, you'll then decide if you like it.
WHAT. That doesn't make sense. And it's impossible to do. And it would't even to satisfy you from the inside out.
You like your coffee the way you like it, you prepare it a certain way, you drink a certain way because it works for you. You're not less than because of the way that you prepare and drink your coffee compared to the way others prefer and drink their coffee.
So how do you get out of the comparison labyrinth?
It starts with checking in with yourself: asking yourself "hey what's going?" Telling yourself, I love you, I see you, I appreciate you.
We start comparing because we don't feel good enough. So in order to stop comparing, you need to start with yourself and tell yourself that you are SO LOVED.
Once you start this dialogue with yourself, you might discover that you got triggered because someone is going to that country that you always wanted to go but have never been.
Or you saw on Linked In that a friend got promoted and you still trying to figure out your purpose.
Or maybe you got an invitation to a baby shower and you're still very much single.
Seeing what you want in other people can be an instant trigger to go on a comparison binge.
We think that by feeling more pain and worse about ourselves, somehow that is going to solve the problem.
STOP.
When you go on a comparison rampage, get off socials. Reduce TV consumption, go to dinner with a really good friend and tell her how you're feeling. Book a call with your coach or therapist.
Basically share out loud with someone that you trust how you're feeling.
They will be able to mirror back how amazing you are and from that place you start building momentum and remembering who TF you are.
And then say "I AM f*%$#^ your name!"
Repeat after me:
I am F*%$# (your name)
I do compare myself to no one because I am literally one of a kind
My purpose is Divine, I am Divine and I love myself.
Take time to slow down, appreciate the little things.
Pull out old albums, journals, go through things that remind you of the magic within you.
Listen to your favorite albums, dance to your favorite songs.
Slow down, slow all the way down.
Go within.
Comparison comes and goes. It's normal part of life.
But when it creeps in, take it as sign to show yourself grace and deep love.
One last note about socials when going down the comparison labyrinth: stop. get off online. delete the apps. And come back to them when you've reminded yourself of the magic that you are.
May you follow your joy -- always & in all ways!
xx
Stéphanie