FEELING STUCK? 6 STEPS TO GET THE CLARITY THAT YOU ARE SEEKING.
Feeling stuck? Unclear on what step to take next? Whether it is in your career or on a personal area of your life, the way to find clarity is through joy.
Before you roll your eyes, hear me out. This works.
When you feel stuck, there is sense of anxiety, comparison, feeling less than. The root of those feelings are fear-based. Fear of not being good enough. If you're feeling stuck in your career, it's mostly likely the feeling of not being good enough that leads to doubting your capability and prevents you from going after that promotion or asking for a bigger salary. If it’s a personal area, for example, you're thinking of moving to a new city, it can be feeling not good enough that prevents you from trusting yourself that you have what it takes to make it in a new place and start a new life.
Why do I feel stuck?
Feeling stuck is basically a cross-road between your desires conflicting with your fear-based thoughts.
These conflicting thoughts are between your desires "I want this" and your ego which wants to play it safe saying "You probably don't have what it takes so let's just continue doing what you're doing." The ego hates change, it's too scary and too much work.
If you were to hear your thoughts having a conversation, it'd be something like this:
Ms. Heart-felt Desire: "I've been kicking ass at work, delivering all the projects on time and bringing in a ton of value to the team by delivering record-breaking results, I'm ready to make the case to my manager of why I earned a promotion!"
Mr. Ego and Fear-based Belief: “Mmm, well maybe right now it's not the right time. We haven't been meeting our goals as a team. I know Mary was going after that promotion and I know we don't have the budget for two promotions. You know what, I'll just wait until next year...At least I have a safe job with a decent salary..."
Being in that constant tug-of-war within yourself is completely draining and the way you end compromising is by avoidance, not taking action, not rocking the boat.
How desires & avoidance play a role in being stuck
Initially when you desire is born, in this case the desire of asking for a promotion, you withhold from taking action as a way to give yourself room to weigh out the pros/cons and make a decision which is absolutely fair and part of the process.
But eventually, if you don't make a decision, you settle and that middle-undecided ground becomes your-every-day state. This leads to feeling stuck and that’s because you are! You haven’t made up your mind one way or another and if enough time goes by where you are avoiding taking action because of indecision, you end up burying that decision-making so deep inside that you forget the initial self-conflicting situation. So now it's all a blurry and stuck mess. Can you understand now how that journey and process can be overwhelming and stressful? It’s a lot of handle and to top it off, it literally sucks the joy out of life.
But do not worry, there are many effective ways to find your clarity! The steps I will share today are grounded in finding clarity through acts of joy. Joy is the fastest way to align with your desires which is what clarity is all about.
Trust me when I say that the clarity you are seeking will not come from avoidance or beating yourself up or by yelling “I MUST FIND MY CLARITY!” Nope, that actually leads to more feelings of inadequacy and insecurity which fuels your fear-based thoughts and the cycle continues...
While it’s important to be gentle throughout the process and remember that nothing is permanent, it is fair and critical to be honest and ask yourself where can you take ownership from feeling this certain way and not pointing fingers at others for what you’re experiencing.
It's time to take a stand. Take a stand against fear and make the decision to do whatever it takes to find the clarity and follow its guidance. So you can finally re-align with yourself by claiming what you desire.
Feeling stuck? Here are clear steps to help you find clarity
If feeling stuck is something that you are currently experiencing, follow these clear steps to guide you back to the clarity that you are desperately seeking.
1. Take a shower. I’m serious, it works every time. The reason is because showering immediately activates flow within you which is exactly what you need to activate when you are blocked and feeling stuck.
2. Find your favorite playlist & turn it up! I am a big fan of instrumental music or Bossa Nova. The important part is to play music that makes you feel alive, inspired, excited, joyful. Again, we are taking action to elevating our vibes, our energy. To go from feeling low or angry at yourself to feeling curious and excited for the journey of discovering your clarity.
3. Grab a pen and paper and think of what is bringing up resistance. What is pissing you off about feeling stuck? What is the root of it? Put on the timer for 3 to 5 minutes and write without thinking. Just write what comes up without any judgement.
4. Time to move. You want to feel those emotions that come from feeling stuck through movement. This will help you release them, instead of holding them in which never help in moving forward. Put the timer for 60 seconds and choose a movement that expresses the feelings you wrote about. Whether it is jumping jacks, punching your mattress, yelling. Don’t judge it, just release it.
5. Brush your teeth with your minty toothpaste. Using our strongest sense which is scent will help you shift from all of the emotions you just felt and reset. Mint stimulates the mind and boosts your energy so after you’ve released your anger, peppermint will give you a boost. Also, the scent of mint helps alleviate feelings of anxiety and depression. As you are doing this inner work, it can be overwhelming so this is an ideal tool to use to nurture yourself throughout the process.
6. Feel joy. Go back to your pen and paper, set the timer for 60 seconds and write out all the things that melt your heart and make you smile from ear to ear. It can be looking at puppy pictures to watching baby youtube videos - whatever comes to mind, write it down and feel it. This will immediately shift your mood and make you feel joyful and alive. Start vibing with those joyful emotions, feel yourself smiling like a little kid thinking about it.
7. Be a kid. The exercise in step 6 will prep you for step 7. Set the timer again and take between 3 to 5 minutes to write down all the things that you remembered doing as a little kid that you loved! Go ahead, no judgement. From arts and crafts, to playing lego to using play-doh to make delicious cookies or reading comic books. Write it all down, don’t think about it, just write and write.
8. Block your calendar for fun time. Circle 3 things from the list in step 7 that you can bring back as a adult. What are the activities that you could do today that you'd have as mich fun doing when you were 10 years old! Then take a look at your calendar and block 1 hour within the next 7 days to specifically do this fun activity! Just for fun! (You got nothing to lose...come on, just block the calendar & email me to let me know what it is! It's all about accountability, right?)
9. Last but not least, set an intention. During the time that you blocked for the activity, set an intention for that hour, it can be something like “Through joy and fun, I easily find clarity” If you catch yourself being defensive and resistant and thinking (ugh, this is so stupid!) then just ask yourself in a curious and playful tone “I wonder what I need to do in order to get clarity in the area of_____” and trust in yourself that the answer will come.
Wanna more? Check out this live video where I share these steps live. Click here and fast forward to minute 5:52. I share more examples that you might find helpful as you're doing the work.
Benefits & triggers as a result of taking these steps
This exercise does a few things that are really important in your journey of seeking clarity:
Gives you an outlet to understand your feelings without judgement. Avoiding the feelings will result in more avoidance. So get curious, don't be afraid of your emotions. You can handle it all. I promise.
Allows you to release those emotions and that self-negative talk which is not serving you while creating room for new beliefs and newfound clarity.
Stimulates the mind to have fun and feel joyful which is shifting your behavior from being on the defense with yourself to actually create space for a solution to come.
Connecting to activities that bring you joy and this is where the magic happens! When you chill and de-compress you actually allow your brain to open and flow which in when the solutions and clarity will come.
Meditation to help release anxiety & feeling overwhelmed
While you're in this journey, meditation can be extremely powerful in helping you heal and move forward. I recorded this beautiful meditation to help release anxiety and any feelings of overwhelm. Remember to take care of yourself during this transition of seeking clarity.
Click here and go to minute 17:40 for the guided meditation.
You’ll feel relaxed and it’ll ignite that fire within you while strengthening your self-trust in knowing that you will find the clarity that you are seeking.
Featured Tool to help you find clarity & remove blocks
Carnelian + Green Tourmaline
> Carnelian: Its main healing power benefit is all about vitality and Life-force. It helps re-establishing motivation and remove blocked or stuck creative energy.
> Green Tourmaline: Promotes openness, nurtures & balances your energy and brings on feelings of happiness + excitement