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  • Writer's pictureStephanie Virchaux

Are your controlling? This is for you. Learn how to control less & trust more

Where in your life are you trying to control, manipulate, and have your way?

Who? Moi? never 😆

I know it can be a hard question to ask because we don't want to admit to doing something that we are all guilty of doing at one point or another.

The thing is this is really important question to ask ourselves and to shift when we are aware that we're doing it. Because when you're trying to control, resistance increases and magic decreases.

Image via Unsplash by Susan Wilkinson

Control is a way of saying that you don't trust.

Control has a way of zapping the love out of you and fear takes over.

Control is our final attempt to make sure that everything is done according to us (and it's a sure way to leave the Universe out of it)

When it all reality, the more we allow, the more we trust, the more we relax, the more opportunity there is to enJOY life and the abundance all around us.

Ways to controlling can look like --

〰️ Omitting part of the truth to get your way

〰️ Being extra nice to get your way

〰️ Being extra mean to get your way

〰️ Reacting a certain way to get certain results that you know will get your way (aka tantrums)

〰️ Shifting your behavior to a non-natural way to control the outcome

Look, this isn't to make you feel shameful, this is to open yourself up to more magic, more peace and more beautiful surprises from the Universe.


Trust is the name of the game.

The main way to release the need to control is the begin to trust yourself.

Trust that you are amazing, capable & you will get exactly what's meant for you.

Trust that the Universe has your back.

Work and heal the trauma that says you can't trust. If you can't trust others, you certainly can't trust yourself.

And because it's always easy to do the work on us (versus trying to change others) learning how to trust yourself is the most powerful way to stop controlling others and just enjoying life even more. Which isn't that what we are after?


In my years of experience as a certified coach, the healthiest way to start trusting is to work and heal trauma.

We're not born not trusting. Quite the opposite, we're born fully trusting.

Meaning if we don't trust as adults (aka we are controlling adults) it's because at some point, we experienced trauma that left us feeling as though we couldn't trust.

Which is why we started controlling as a way to gain some sort of (an illusion) of trust, because we willed others to do as we wanted.

This isn't clearly trust.

Here are a few techniques & tips to start trusting:

〰️ Starting by working with a coach (like me) or a therapist that is well-versed in trauma to start healing the trauma and from that place we can begin to let go and allow.

I〰️ also believe in the powerful affirmation of "It is safe to trust"

When you create safety within you, then you'll begin showing up more trusting.

〰️ Start tapping (EFT): tapping is powerful technique that heals trauma and allows the body to feel safe as it transforms

Lastly, allow others to surprise you!

I know that when I chill & focus on fun things, and just take the foot off the gas, I am so much more delighted with life and surprises start coming from all angles!

The Universe begins to surprise me in the most lovely & unexpected ways.

If you're wanting to begin to trust more and control less, book a discovery session with me here and see if coaching with me is the right thing for you!

Have you tried any of these techniques? Share in the comments, I want to know!




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